Alien vs. Predator
Originally Written: August 2004
I refuse to refer to this film using Fox’s “hip” moniker- AVP. Ain’t gonna happen. Hell, it even appears on the title card for the movie. Ugh.
And the problem is, it doesn’t get better from there. To illustrate the film’s primary problem, here’s the first line of Roger Ebert’s “Predator” review: “`Predator’ begins like ‘Rambo’ and ends like ‘Alien,’ and in today’s Hollywood, that’s creativity. Most movies are inspired by only one previous blockbuster.”
That tells you everything you need to know about “Alien vs. Predator.” The film is a greatest hits of the best moments of the “Predator” films (both John McTiernan’s 1987 classic- just rereleased as a Collectors Edition DVD not to be missed by fans- and Stephen Hopkins’ uninspired 1990 sequel with Danny Glover), Ridley Scott’s hair-raising “Alien” (1979) and James Cameron’s gripping “Aliens” (1986). But there’s also a touch of “Jurassic Park” (billionaire recruits specialized team for doomed expedition) and a hint of “X-Files” (in the repetitive and unsatisfying ending) for good to mention, not to mention damn near every action movie cliche in the book. Some minor pleasures reveal themselves along the way- such as Sanaa Lathan’s expedition guide (sort of a lesser version of Sigourney Weaver’s Ripley from the “Alien” films), a handful of decent creature-driven moments, and a couple of interesting additions to the “Alien” mythos (the film’s a sequel to the “Predator” films, but a prequel to the “Alien” movies), but not before “Alien vs. Predator”- in its’ current cinematic form- reveals itself a miscalculation and disappointment to fans of either series, which I am.
Where to start with my disappointment? How about the story- written by director Paul W.S. Anderson (more on him later), which is not without interest, but is not only not as cleverly conceived as the story for last year’s movie killer combo, “Freddy vs. Jason,” but also lacks the memorable ensembles of “Alien,” “Aliens,” and “Predator.” Some points for Lathan’s character, and for having the story revolve around the Weyland corporation, the company ran by Charles Bishop Weyland, the original human being who was seen as an android in “Aliens” and “Alien3,” giving the fans something of interest. That’s not to say I wish the film were campier a la “Freddy vs. Jason”- that was the only way that movie could go and be tolerable- or that a more interesting ensemble would have helped much (this one mostly subscribes to the smart people-doing-dumb things syndrome found in your typical slasher film), but it couldn’t have hurt. But in terms of a workable story for the idea, Anderson’s “Alien vs. Predator” falls short.
That leads me to a further disappointment…the development of the Predator culture, if you will. If you were unfortunate enough to watch “Predator 2”- as I was recently- you already might recall how, at the end, it was implied that the Predators were a warrior-like race not unlike samurai. Of course, it also implied- quite explicitly- that they were pretty mean motherf*#&ers perfectly willing to rip a human to shreds by any means. That was what made them so freaking cool (at least in McTiernan’s original)- they were a new kind of fantasy villain. A villain that could detect prey via body heat (making it near impossible to hide in the right environment); that could camoflage itself as it tracked its’ prey; that could kill you close- with those nasty-ass claws- or from a distance (that vicious laser cannon); that could mimic the human voice; and- if pinned against the wall- could turn themselves into a nuclear weapon and destroy everything in sight. In other words, it was a monster- like the other franchise’s acid-dripping alien- to inhabited your nightmares, but on a far more primal level.
In McTiernan’s film, and even its’ successor, I felt that primal terror for Predator. Here, though the three we see start out like badasses (albeit, shells of their 1987 prime), by the end of the movie, I wouldn’t mind going for a drink after a hard day’s work with them. They seemed like pretty decent creatures- even though they just did their part in killing most of the human characters in the film and keeping the Aliens from running amok on Earth. You see, Anderson makes a critical flaw in his storytelling here- he asks us to root for one of the races over the other…a critical mistake in my opinion. The development of the Predator race in what little backstory Anderson provides- I’m down with it. But showing allegence for one race over the other, I’m not. Part of why “Freddy vs. Jason” worked so well last year was because it stayed completely true to each character, and didn’t pick sides. Actually, it did- it picked the humans, as one-dimensional as they were. “Alien vs. Predator” doesn’t show the same objectivity towards the titular fighters, and doesn’t really make you care too much about the human characters to where, when they’re picked off, we really couldn’t care less. In the end, after Lathan’s character gets all chummy with the remaining Predator as they believe they’ve saved Earth from the Aliens (I kid you not, it does become something of a buddy picture), true fans of “Predator” will be in slackjawed awe as to how this last Predator doesn’t just tear Lathan to shreds. Instead, we get macho bonding. Please- the Predator I know just wouldn’t do that. If it sounds like I’m a member of the Predator Ethical Presentation Society & Institute (or PEPSI) or some such crap, it’s just I’m a bit defensive as to how my favorite movie and television baddies are portrayed onscreen.
Now, do I really need to go on for a paragraph as to why the genius at Fox who decided this movie needed to be rated PG-13 should be hunted down by an Alien or Predator- ideally both- and evicerated? This is just a bad idea, OK? All six movies in the two franchises are hard R-ratings, with visceral and rather bloody violence that should never try to be translated to a popcorn flick with a rating the whole family can enjoy (and did I see some youngsters in the audience when I saw the film). Would you ever try to make a sequel to “Kill Bill”- which I promise will be reviewed soon- or “Lethal Weapon” that’s PG-13? Of course not; those aren’t the type of movies those franchises are. So why did Fox try it with “Alien vs. Predator?” To sidestep the problems with increased enforcement of the R rating at movie theatres, which limits- or is supposed to- the age at which some can buy a ticket for certain movies. Well, how do you explain “The Matrix Reloaded’s” $285 million take last summer (besides bad judgement on anyone willing to shell out money for that movie’s part)? That was rated R. I don’t know. What I do know is that outside of the art houses, us adults have so few movies that are supposed to be just for us (though I first saw “Predator” at age 10); the only big-name R-rated movies this summer have been “Collateral,” “Troy,” “The Manchurian Candidate,” and “Fahrenheit 9/11.” Why couldn’t Fox just let us have this one for ourselves? They know they’re target audience will just sneak in anyway.
Finally, there’s heir director, Paul W.S. Anderson, not to be confused with Paul Thomas Anderson, of “Boogie Nights” and “Magnolia” fame. Paul W.S. is best known for genre films like 1995’s “Mortal Kombat” (crap), 1997’s “Event Horizon” (double crap), 1998’s “Soldier” (really crap), and 2002’s “Resident Evil” (back to regular crap). Some resume, eh? I understand in some circles “Event Horizon” and “Resident Evil” have fans, but his movies have always been rehashes of other, better movies (except for “Mortal Kombat,” which I have no logical rationale for), and “Alien vs. Predator” is no different, as I mentioned earlier. In each movie, Anderson lacks the kind of storytelling finesse and visual imagination that a director requires for this genre of filmmaking. With the exception of “Predator 2’s” Stephen Hopkins (merely a solid director with the right material), the previous films in the franchises- “Alien’s” Scott, “Aliens'” Cameron, “Alien3’s” David Fincher, “Alien Resurrection’s” Jean-Pierre Junet, and “Predator’s” McTiernan- had such a director. Of course, it’s a good bet most directors of such caliber would turn down such a silly project, which would lead to hiring someone well-known- if not looked-upon fondly by critics- like Anderson. I really would like to say some better things about Anderson as a filmmaker- ’cause he manages the occasional good scene, and I really wanted to like “Alien vs. Predator”- as a fan of both series- but when the result is something this derivative and unmemorable (ditto the score by Harald Kloser), it’s hard not to unleash a series tongue-lashing at the man who made it, like an Alien jutting its’ inner mouth out to kill my prey.
