Burlesque (Review by Heather Elle)
You may be asking yourself, “How old is Cher now?” Well, she’s 64 if you must know, but don’t you dare say, “Damn, she looks good for her age!” because Cher looks good for someone 20 years younger! And she’s in top form in Burlesque. What about Xtina? Oh, trust me… She alone is worth the price of admission.
“Burlesque” is loaded with Hollywood cliches and gets rather schmaltzy in parts, but overall, you’ll regret nothing if you see it. Cher looks amazing and sounds amazing, and with one scene excepted, you know she’s still got her Oscar-winning acting chops. Newbie Xtina, on the other hand, could use a little work on her emoting. Ms. Aguilera delivers in every other way, though: she looks like every red-blooded man’s dream woman, from beginning to end, whether sweet and innocent or hot and seductive; she dances as well as anyone else in the film; and most of all, her pipes are not just golden but platinum! You’ll quickly forgive her occasionally clumsy acting– if not as soon as you see her in costume –as soon as she belts out a tune.
In her big screen debut, Christina Aguilera (Xtina, as her die-hard fans would call her) stars as Ali, a realistically idealistic waitress from Iowa, who runs off to L.A. to pursue her dreams of performing for a living. Once in L.A., Ali pounds the pavement to the tune of Marilyn Manson’s “Beautiful People,” something we’ll hear again later and brilliantly used. Having had no luck so far, Ali finds herself in the enchanting world of Burlesque, a burlesque club (not so creatively named) owned by a ballsy broad named Tess (perfectly portrayed by Academy Award winner Cher). Tess is not merely the owner; she’s also the star of the show. Ali makes fast friends with the guyliner-wearing bartender, Jack (Cam Gigandet), who sends her backstage to meet Tess. Tess is, however, unamused by this random girl in her mirror and uninterested in auditioning new talent. Ali is desperate for work, though, and seeing a slacking waitress on duty, she grabs a tray and proceeds to work. Jack, having no authority to do so, hires her on the spot.
Working as a waitress at the club now, Ali watches the dancers, fantasizing of being up onstage herself, and she carefully studies all the routines she sees performed night after night. At home, she immerses herself in learning all she can about the art of burlesque. Finally she has her chance to join the ranks of the kick line when Georgia (Julianne Hough), one of the dancers, gets knocked up. Except… not so fast! Tess holds open auditions but doesn’t breathe a word to Ali, who had previously expressed interest. Ali takes the stage after the auditioners have left and demands an audition of her own anyway. Tess reluctantly gives Ali the job… But you knew that was going to happen, didn’t you?
Ali isn’t a big star yet, of course. Time for the next big Hollywood cliché: Nikki (Kristen Bell) is the resident drunken diva of the show, and she once again reports late and drunk, so Tess puts Ali on in Nikki’s place for one of Nikki’s numbers. The girls all lip-sync, except Tess, so Nikki– surprise surprise! –pulls the plug on Ali’s vocals. Enter, our new star. Ali at first panics, then grabs the mic and belts out a tune just as the curtain is being lowered. Tess stops the curtain. Cheesy? Sure. But just see it for yourself. This is just the first of several goosebump-inducing moments in the movie.
A couple subplots are cleverly woven into the film as well: Ali finds love, and shhh… Tess is in danger of losing the club. A couple more clichés, yes, but they are handled fairly well, and Tess would be a very uninteresting character to watch without this more vulnerable side of her exposed. It is this vulnerability in Tess that gives her portrayer, Cher, a chance to prove she’s still got “it.” Cher’s cry-acting may be a little rusty, but she delivers a strong, emotionally charged vocal in her big moment, singing the original song, “You Haven’t Seen the Last of Me.” In this reviewer’s opinion, the song kind of sucks, but Cher’s performance of it will make you forgive Diane Warren’s weak and formulaic songwriting.
The rest of the film plays like a roller coaster, both in good ways and bad. Of course the club is saved (no spoiler there), but I won’t tell you how; Ali is one clever cookie is all I’ll say. Some hardcore schmaltz ensues, but “all’s well that ends well,” they say… and “Burlesque’s” show-stopping final number does not disappoint. Will this vehicle catapult Christina Aguilera to movie super-stardom? No. But, in “Burlesque,” she does what she does best and does so at the top of her game. Xtina fans will kick themselves for missing this one, and I would argue that straight men might kick themselves as well… Just search “Burlesque + Express” in Google… You’ll see.
**Brian’s Note: It’s with great pleasure that I’m able to welcome my dear friend Heather Elle to Sonic Cinema as a contributor. She’s been proofreading several of my reviews for a couple of months now, and I’m pleased she’s started to write her own work for the site. I look forward to publishing more of her work in the future.
