A Christmas Horror Story (By Phil Fasso)
Anthologies are always a risk. Balancing a number of stories can lead to highs and lows, and the filmmakers take even a greater chance when they intertwine the individual stories to create a connective thru-line. Fortunately, Michael Dougherty handled these perils with aplomb, and created a mini-masterpiece for perennial Halloween viewings with “Trick ‘R Treat.” That film clearly provides the template for “A Christmas Horror Story,” and while the latter is a little too uneven and never quite reaches the heights of Dougherty’s film, it sports a fun performance from William Shatner as a DJ who drinks on the job, an evil kid story, and a kickass warrior Santa Claus who at the height of the flick brawls with Krampus. More than enough to keep me warm inside as the snow falls outside.
The framing device for “A Christmas Horror Story” is simple: Shatner’s Dangerous Dan is stuck on shift at the local, small town radio station on Christmas Eve. Unlike the way most framing devices work in horror anthologies, he’s not actually setting up or commenting on the four individual tales that comprise the film. Instead, he’s setting up his correspondent’s visit to cover the events at the local mall. On first watch, I found this odd. But the writers stitch Dangerous Dan in perfectly, and by the end, I appreciated his increasingly worried shout outs to the action at the local mall, and how a few of the tales tie in to that epic Claus vs. Krampus battle. Shatner is having a ball with Dangerous Dan, and his joy is a shot in the arm when the segments start to crawl at points.
The worst of the four tales involves three teens making a documentary about some students who disappeared and atrocities some nuns committed many decades ago, when the school was a convent. They get locked in the basement of the high school, which is closed for Christmas break, and suffer as the history of the haunted dwellings unfolds. This segment is fraught with problems. The dark cinematography is an eyesore; the characters are bland; the actors do nothing to elevate their characters above the script; and worst of all, the story is never scary. There are ways this tale could have been constructed that would terrify me, but instead it’s a flat, dull presentation that let me apathetic.
One rank above that story is the tale of a family on their way to visit a crusty, elderly aunt. The father needs money to fund some project or another, so he can maintain the high standards of living his family enjoys. The big problem here is characterization. This is a family of selfish monsters, bickering and bitching as they ride to the aunt’s house. The son is the worst; when the aunt’s snooty butler tells him how important a Krampus figurine is, he intentionally knocks it to the floor and breaks it. When Krampus comes around in the flesh to start knocking them off, it’s a gift. By the time the family is in a church and trying to make penance to clear themselves of their sins and save the son, it’s all superficial writing, and too little-too late to redeem them for me. The only quality element of the segment is the makeup design on Krampus. I’ve seen plenty of dreadful Krampuses done on the cheap; this Krampus is wonderfully done, and menacing. Kudos to the FX department!
Several steps up from those tales is the story of a husband and wife who bring their kid to the woods to chop a fresh Christmas tree. The kid briefly disappears, and when his folks bring him home there’s clearly something wrong with him. He stabs his dad’s hand at the dinner table, and the film suggests he may be perving on his mom. This abhorrent behavior eventually drives the mother to take the kid back to the woods, where they meet up with the property’s owner, and we get a revelation of the property’s strange powers. “The Omen” is my favorite horror film, and I’m a sucker for an evil kid story, so this one is right up my alley. The performances are a little uneven, and I would act much differently if my kid stabbed my spouse, but it’s a fun little piece with a nice kicker.
Standing head and shoulders above the other three is the tale of an ass kicking Santa. He starts off the benevolent St. Nick we all know from the legends, but blazes into full warrior mode once one of his elves becomes a slavering, infectious beast who taints the elven population and Mrs. Claus herself, turning all into foul-mouthed, ravenous monsters. Santa is a brawling force of winter Nature, smashing elves who threaten to halt Christmas. With his staff and his fists, he knocks down elf after elf, as he does his best to maintain his Christmas cheer. The results are awesome, and they carry the film. I remember when I first saw the flick noting the North Pole setting looked cheap, and that this was a budgetary issue that took away from the film. Little did I know there was a reason for this that would pay off at the film’s end. Just what that end involves, and how Krampus ties in, I wouldn’t dare ruin for you.
“A Christmas Horror Story” clearly intended to ride the seasonal coattails of “Trick ‘R Treat.” That’s a mean feat it never quite fully accomplishes, but it’s got just enough going for it to get me to watch every year. After all, who doesn’t want a Santa who can deliver presents and kill a bunch of slavering elves, all in one Christmas eve?
