Conan the Barbarian (’82)
It’s downright tragic that I’m only now watching John Milius’s “Conan the Barbarian.” I watched the attempted 2011 reboot a few years ago with Jason Momoa, and when I was a kid, I watched the PG-rated sequel, “Conan the Destroyer,” but haven’t watched Milius’s R-rated fantasy film until now. I’m glad to be rectifying the mistake at last.
Because of my love of the 1996 drama, “The Whole Wide World,” I would consider myself an appreciator of Robert E. Howard, the pulp writer who created Conan back in the 1930s, although I have yet to read any of his stories (another miscalculation I plan of rectifying in the near future). That film was based on a memoir by a teacher who developed a friendship and sometime romantic relationship with the writer, and wrote her story to combat a pervading image of Howard as a lonely loon. While both were perhaps true to some degree, Howard (who shot himself decades before) was nonetheless a great storyteller who had been unfairly portrayed after his greatest creation, Conan, came back to prominence in comic book and this film. Still, it took a bit of lunacy, and loner mentality, to create a world as wild and brutal as Conan’s, and Novalyne Price (the teacher who wrote the memoir) shows that in her telling.
Back to this film, though. The story told by Milius and co-writer Oliver Stone feels toned down in terms of narrative, drawing more on adventure epics and pulp cinema than the feverish world of Howard’s Conan. It’s certainly not toned down in terms of violence and sexuality, which was enough to assure this film an R rating, but the fantasy and sorcery of the world is muted in these days before “Lord of the Rings” and “Harry Potter.” Maybe Milius felt like making a hard-core magical fantasy wasn’t possible yet, even with the advances that had happened in special effects in the aftermath of “Star Wars.” Nonetheless, the film he made is an exciting and thrilling experience, filled with great imagery and heroic moments, befitting a legendary hero. It’s no wonder people have been clamoring for a real follow-up to it ever since. (Milius had nothing to do with “Conan the Destroyer,” and fans could tell.)
The film starts with Conan as a young boy. His village is attacked, and his parents are killed right before his eyes. He is taken into slavery, and taught the ways of the warrior. He grows up to take on the visage of Arnold Schwarzenegger, and demands vengeance on the people who killed his parents, sending him on his journey. There are many things he must do along the way, though, before he has the chance to take on the sorcerer, Thulsa Doom (James Earl Jones), whose followers are responsible for the death of Conan’s village.
The first half of the film is very much an adventure in the old cinema tradition, with hand-to-hand combat and carnage taking precedent over special effects. It’s also in this section that Conan gains allies, such as the warrior woman, Valeria (Sandahl Bergman); a thief, Subotai (Gerry Lopez); and a wizard (Mako), who we learn is the narrator, as well as faces the wicked King Osrik (Max von Sydow), who has information that will help them on their quest. It’s at the start of the second half of the movie where we finally see some sorcery from the film, starting when the old wizard must resurrect Conan, who was left to die in the desert by Thulsa Doom. Okay, there’s not really much after that, but the film embraces the magical cult elements of this world much more in the second half than the first, with striking costumes and production design that sets this in a very dark fantasy world we don’t really see much of in the first half. The second half is very much an extension of the first, but the glimpse of real sorcery we get is enough to make one wish Milius had really followed through with that element of this world; because he doesn’t, what we’re basically watching is just a muscle-bound adventure movie that, while highly enjoyable, is no more elaborate than the old attempts you see at Hercules movies on “Mystery Science Theater 3000.” (Heck, the 2011 reboot outdid this movie in that department. That’s all, though.)
Lack of magical fantasy aside, Milius’s “Conan” is a raucous, exciting movie to watch. This is pulp adventure filmmaking of the highest order, with great production value and a powerful, memorable score by Basil Poledouris that really pumps up the heroic nature of the tale. What really lands “Conan the Barbarian” in the classic category, though, is Schwarzenegger in the role. He has never been a great actor, but when he’s had strong scripts that play to his strengths as a performer, something special can occur on-screen. The script by Milius and Stone is such a script, and he has a good foil in James Earl Jones as the villain, who is understated when it’s needed, and over-the-top when most required. If we do, in fact, see a new Conan film with Arnold returning to the role, it will be interesting to see if A) it follows this film’s ending to it’s logical conclusion, and B) if it can capture the same rugged, rough energy Milius brought to this film, along with giving an older Arnold a role that fits the performer he is now. Hopefully, all the answers to those queries will be yes, because this franchise deserves a chance at glory again.
