Mystery Science Theater 3000 (TV)
Hi-Keeba!
When I first wrote about “Mystery Science Theater 3000” back in 1999, I had only been aware of the show since 1995, and my exposure to the cult series was limited primarily to the recent years with Mike Nelson as host and the show’s transition to the Sci-Fi Channel after Comedy Central canceled it. Now, I’ve seen more of the episodes, own many of the box sets and have fallen in love with the spin-offs the creators and performers of the show have used to continue riffing. It’s time to revisit the series with not just the benefit of knowledge but the wisdom and passion of a critic who was still wet behind the ears back in ’99, but is not more able to acknowledge the debt he owes this show in his life.
The premise is a simple one: the evil Dr. Forrester (Trace Beaulieu) and his sidekick TV’s Frank (Frank Conniff) shoot intern Joel Robinson (creator Joel Hodgson) into space and the bone-shaped Satellite of Love, where he is forced to watch cheesy movies, from the campiest of “Godzilla” offerings to the sort of unknown dreck you wish stayed hidden in the bowels of cinematic legacy. To help him, Joel creates some robot pals to keep him company and help him quip: the golden wise-ass Crow T. Robot (voiced and operated by Beaulieu); the suave gumball machine-shaped Tom Servo (voiced and operated by Kevin Murphy); and the oddly-shaped female ‘bot Gypsy (voiced/operated by series director Jim Mallon). There are invention exchanges, sketches and musical numbers based on the movie being watched and general hi-jinks to be experienced, although eventually Joel finds a way to escape as the “Mads” come in contact with doofus intern Mike Nelson (head writer Michael J. Nelson), who will then suffer the same fate for several years more.
At the time I became familiar with the show, this was how I knew the show’s “story” and its continuity. Ten box sets and two Dragon*Cons later, I know so much more. For instance, that comedian J. Elvis Weinstein (who also co-wrote the show’s catchy theme song) was not only the original performer for Tom Servo but also Forrester’s first assistant, Dr. Lawrence Erhardt, although he would only last one season before being replaced by Murphy as Servo and Conniff as Forrester’s evil henchman. (Weinstein would later reunite with Hodgson, Conniff, Beaulieu, and Mary Jo Pehl, best known as Forrester’s overbearing mother Pearl, for Cinematic Titanic.) That years before he would take over the role of Crow from Beaulieu (who left the show after its run on Comedy Central and the 1996 film adaptation), Bill Corbett (who also plays the role of Observer in the Sci-Fi years) was a staff writer on the show before making the role of Crow his own. That the making of the joyously clever “Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie” was arguably a worse experience for all involved than having to riff on “Manos: The Hands of Fate,” “Monster a Go-Go” and “Red Zone Cuba” (long my barometers of cinematic crap courtesy of the show) combined. That the original inspiration for the concept of the show was Douglas Trumbull’s classic ’70s sci-fi film “Silent Running.” And that the differences in the show between Joel as host and Mike as host had much to do with the strengths of each host; while Hodgson was (and still is) a gifted prop comic, Nelson has a more everyman appeal that he and the performers played off of with sometimes breathtaking insanity. It’s hard not to go online and get into an argument about what aspects of the show were more popular than others; Joel vs. Mike rivals Kirk vs. Picard in the best way to get into a geek fight. (Of course, now that has morphed into which spin-off project is better– the Joel-helmed Titanic, which looks at the same old-fashioned crap “MST3K” did, or the Mike-helmed RiffTrax, which mixes modern movie riffs with classically-bad short educational films.) Who was the better Crow (or Servo)? Do the Sci-Fi years stack up to the Comedy Central years? Why can’t the show be picked up for syndication so that I can get my annual Turkey Day heaping of “MST3K?” Of course, for that I can just get out the DVDs, get out the video tapes, and program my own Turkey Day marathon.
For me, all of these questions are moot. That we were given a show as clever and inspired as “Mystery Science Theater” in the first place is a miracle in and of itself. Now, no network (on cable or otherwise) would even consider the idea. The structure is too cumbersome (“What do you mean we have to give up an entire evening of programming?”); however low-tech the people in front of, and in back of, the camera could keep the production in terms of sets and props, no network would want to even consider the licensing costs per film; and let’s face it, without “stars” and an easy premise, how the Hell would they market it?
Thankfully, with the help of Rhino (and now the Shout Factory!), the tapes (and discs) of “Mystery Science Theater” keep circulating. Some of them are harder to get a hold of than others (if anyone from Shout Factory! is reading, I implore you to try and collaborate on a mega-box of the Godzilla/Gamera/etc. episodes with rights-holders Toho to get these eps to the fans like me who want to own them; trust me, the financial windfall would be worth it), but once a MSTie always a MSTie, and with the Internet and social networking sites, it’s easier than ever to get in touch with my fellow MSTies to trade tapes and introduce a whole new generation to the wicked pleasures of this show, and the idea of riffing in general.
So much of my personality and sense of humor has its roots in “Mystery Science Theater 3000.” Such is my mind’s makeup that in my everyday life, be it hanging with friends or working at the movie theatre, if a moment screams for a pop culture reference or movie quote to be uttered, the riffer in me can’t help but make the reference. That’s all “MST3K.” And in 2003 when Ronnie and Dave and I began recording fan commentary tracks under the name Yahoos With a Microphone, not only has that natural riffing mechanism been a driving force for me in my contributions, but when it came time to write my own little “credits piece” to close out each track, I’ll be the first to admit it bears a similarity to the “MST3K Love Theme” at the end of each show (same goes with the piece at the end of my solo tracks). Several of my favorite experiences and panels at Dragon*Con have involved members of the “Mystery Science Theater” legacy. In addition to my collection of “MST3K” DVDs and videos, Cinematic Titanic and RiffTrax have become major additions to my movie collection and moviewatching. And who knows, maybe when I have kids of my own one day, I’ll introduce my kids to the show, and the tapes will keep circulating for generations to come.
To close, I’d like to leave you with my list of the 10 Worst movies I’ve ever seen, as associated with the “MST3K” legacy, be it with the show itself or its brethren Cinematic Titanic and RiffTrax.
1) “Manos: The Hands of Fate” (MST3K): I don’t know what’s scarier, the idea of a master with a gimp slave named Torgo or that someone gave Texas fertilizer salesman Harold P. Warren the money to make a movie. “Joel, this is gonna turn into a snuff film.”
2) “Monster a Go-Go” (MST3K): On the one hand, there’s “Rosebud.” On the other hand, there’s “There was no monster.” I’ll let you decide which quote goes with this sci-fi dreck from Wisconsin filmmaker Bill Rebane.
3) “Robot Monster” (MST3K): This Season One entry is my new “standard bearer” for MSTie bad cinema. This ’50s sci-fi film about the last few people on Earth and their run-ins with a robot monster that somewhat resembles a chicken is as bad as they come.
4) “Doomsday Machine” (Cinematic Titanic): As the world comes to an end, seven people are shot off into space, heading off to a hopefully inhabitable world in the stars. The question is, can they survive each other. This is the second DVD offering from the Titanic crew, but it’s #1 with a bullet in pure cinematic dung. Apart from being ridiculously plotted, it just makes no sense.
5) “Maniac” (RiffTrax): Like the similarly-riffed cult propaganda film “Reefer Madness,” “Maniac” is a short and horrible film, only this time it’s about mental illness. Namely, when a vaudeville actor takes the place of a mad scientist he works for, and starts losing his grip on reality. “Madness” is worse (if only for its notoriety), but “Maniac” is a mess. Mike, Kevin and Bill say it best at the start when they riff, “Filmed on location in Hell.”
6) “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (MST3K, Cinematic Titanic): The most infamously bad Christmas movie ever made, as booger-green martians kidnap Santa (and a couple of kids) when their own children, including Zsa Zsa Gabor in her first film, are depressed. Whether you’re 8 or 80, you’ll be sucked of the holiday spirit as soon as Droppo comes on-screen in this Xmas monstrosity. Riffed on both “MST3K,” then again by the Titanic crew, you’ll find yourself wondering why they bother at all.
7) “Planet of Dinosaurs” (RiffTrax): With the exception of it being on another planet and there being dinosaurs, this is basically a reworking of “Robot Monster.” The very ’70s production doesn’t improve the story any. “He has an arrow pointing to his junk.” If you mean the movie, I agree.
8) “Red Zone Cuba” (MST3K): This thriller by the esteemed Colman Francis (think Ed Wood, but chubbier and less prone to women’s clothing) makes no sense, as escaped cons are led into Cuba for…Hell, I still can’t even figure that out. My advice? Don’t try.
9) “Blood of the Vampires” (Cinematic Titanic): My first experience with Cinematic Titanic, seen at Dragon*Con 2009. Personally, my favorite vamp-centric film from the MSTie project stable is “MST3K’s” “Sampson vs. the Vampire Women,” but this Mexican family drama (filmed in the Philippines) about a mother, a son and the ghost of a sister’s love is worse. As Josh Weinstein says, “I don’t think this will be the first time this film goes into a wall.”
10) “Time Chasers” (MST3K): Truly the very worst film the show produced during its Sci-Fi years, this 1994 “thriller” about a dork who makes a time machine out of a sesna airplane has no real tension, interest or desire to please anyone who cares about character, story or quality. When your leading man has a prominent “chin butt” that typically gets the best angles, you know you’re in trouble.
Now, as Dr. Forrester said, “Push the button, Frank.”
