Our Friend
There are plenty of moments in “Our Friend” that are as schmaltzy and formulaic as you can imagine in this type of movie. When Gabriela Cowperthwaite’s film means to really land its emotions, however, it feels like a 20-pound weight landing on your foot. In those moments, “Our Friend” is up there with some of the most honest films I’ve ever seen about the struggle to take care of loved ones. It moved me greatly at times.
The film is inspired by an Esquire article written by Matthew Teague, who wrote about his wife’s struggle with cancer, and eventual death from it, with the perspective of the impact a family friend had on their lives during this time. The friend is Dane, who was best friends with Nicole Teague from their time acting together. They were close, and stayed that was even with Nicole married to reporter Matthew with two children as they moved closer out of New Orleans, closer to Nicole’s family. Dane does not have a great job, so when Nicole gets sick, he devotes himself to helping the family as best he can during that time. That bond is a powerful one, and transcends Nicole’s death in 2014.
The screenplay is by Brad Ingelsby, who also wrote “The Way Back,” last year’s Ben Affleck drama about a former basketball play who tried to rehabilitate himself as a coach at his former school. The films share similar DNA in how they hew to formula while also having moments that give the actors, and directors, a chance to flex their muscles and play situations as honestly as they can. Here, there are moments at the beginning and end of the movie that are as powerful as any I’ve seen in the past few years. The non-linear approach to the story by Ingelsby is an important part of why “Our Friend” lands the way it does; the first thing we see is Matthew (Casey Affleck) and Nicole (Dakota Johnson) trying to figure out the best way to tell their children that Nicole only has six months left to live, and Dane (Jason Segel) sitting with the kids on the porch while they do so. We don’t see how that scene ends until later in the movie, when it begins the movie’s tremendous third act, where the emotional toll of being caregivers almost overwhelms Matthew and Dane, and they have to bring in a hospice nurse to help out until the end. Throughout the rest of the film, we move back and forth in time as the dynamic between the three grows, and Dane becomes basically a part of the family. This is where the formula comes into play, but it’s not as distracting a use of formula as other films, and I think that’s a credit to the work Cowperthwaite (“Blackfish,” “Megan Leavy”) does in telling this story.
The moments that stuck longest for me with this film were those where it is hardest for Matthew and Dane to take care of Nicole because they reminded me of when I’ve struggled this past few years taking care of my mother. It’s been exhausting and frustrating and I was grateful to see that reflected so honestly in this film. Most everything before that last part of “Our Friend” doesn’t work quite as well, although the actors all do fine jobs, but I feel seen in this film’s last act, and it moved me quite a bit. That alone makes it worth watching.
